underestimation

once there was a powerful man

someone who could change da world

he did not know it, no, not yet

but as each sun rose and fell

God lookah down upon the man an’ sey

“Today, boy, today. You can come alive.

Today, boy, today. You can be beyond ya wildest dream.

Today, boy, today. You can do it ah.”

And then God whispered

“An if today seems too hard to bear.

Don’cha worry mi boy.

Jes rest yo mind. have faith. and dream a beautiful dream.

Because tomorrow, I ah wake you once again.

An’ I jes know you are on the cusp of livin’.

be happy. love deeply.

You are tha beautiful man, boy.

When the sun ah come, wake up an’ live boy.”

Please Read but Only When Sober

This entry is lightly censored* due to Peace Corps policy but the essence is the same and the letter is the one I gave. I also would like to reiterate that this is my opinion and my opinion alone. I publish with the most humble heart and hope that it is not misinterpreted but seen as the only way I can make sense of life. In the moments that I am most afraid, I will not close my door. I will welcome all of the things that scare me into my arms with the same compassion that I hug those that I love.

I believe that we can have a better world. I believe without a doubt. Without a doubt I believe.

This past Friday was a long one. We had our 50th Anniversary celebration for Peace Corps. It was an all day affair and a time when I reaffirmed my belief in the mission of this organization. It was also the end of one of the hardest weeks I have had in the Peace Corps. Two of my volunteer sisters had unimaginable violence committed against them and returned to the states to find healing and comfort in the arms of their family and US friends. In typical bureaucratic fashion, our post had called us to a meeting to discuss how our behavior was leading us into violence. Anyone who has ever worked with victims of violence, poverty and oppression know that there is no sense in the chaos that plagues humanity. Violence is not the victim's fault. It is the victim’s responsibility to grow, heal and move forward in a compassionate way. It is the community’s responsibility make a stand against the things that continue to promote chaos and injustice. It is the community’s responsibility to love both the victim and the offender because we know that if we have humans in the world who rob others, the hatred in their heart is born of their experience and lack of love.

Late Friday night, I went with a good friend of mine to park his bus. As we traveled up the back road of Layou in one of the nicest neighborhoods, we came upon two men blocking the road*. It was late and the day had been long. I hopped out of the bus to see if I could assist. I came upon one man trying to convince an overwhelmingly intoxicated man to go into his gate and go to bed. In order for that to happen he would need to move his bicycle* approximately 20 feet out of the road. Now, where I come from, riding a bicycle* while completely intoxicated is not only a bad idea, it is illegal. I looked at the man and said, “Nah, you can’t be riding that thing even if it is only a short distance. Let me do it for you.” Well wouldn’t you know, as soon as I move the bicycle* and get off of it, the drunk man is in my face, putting his hands on me. Shoving me around like I am some subhuman that will just roll over and let him abuse me. He shouts me. He calls me names. He pushes away my friend and the other man, he wants to strangle me but he doesn’t get that far. I stood my ground. I told him I was not afraid. Inside I was shaking , I tried a couple times to get him to stand up and go in his gate. I banged on his door in a vain hope that his wife would come to the door and he would "snap to." She didn’t come and honestly, I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want that coming in my house either.

Eventually I had enough and I thought my friend might be driven to clock the guy in the face. As much as I was angry and scared, I really didn’t want to see anyone get hurt. I was hurt enough for everyone there. Let’s leave it at that. I went home that night and cried. I spoke to my friends here and tried to figure out what to do. I went to the police and asked what they could do to help me—they would speak to him and let him know that he is being warned and he cannot hurt others. I went to my Vincentian mother, Florence, and asked if she would be willing to go with me to talk to him. I found peace knowing that I had people who were willing to make a stand with me. I know that I could tell the story to other people and they would join me as well. But at this point, I feel supported and loved, so I did what suits me best. I wrote. I wrote Mr. Morris a letter and I delivered it to his doorstep in an envelope marked “Please open but only when sober.” Inside he will find the letter below. Before I share, I would like to beg of you that you do not shake your head in fear and make this a “those people” story. This man is probably my father’s age, he lived in a developed country for the past 40 some odd years and he is sick with alcoholism. When I asked the police, if there were any resources available that might help him with this disease, they said “no.” So if this story outrages you, do something about it. You don’t have to do it here but show someone love in your community. I am trying to do my piece of making peace. I hope you will join me. Also if anyone has a bright idea on how to help developing countries have access to resources like alcoholics anonymous, speak up!

April 17, 2011
Dear Mr. Morris,
I am not sure if you remember this but last Friday you broke my heart. You put your hands on me. You criticized me for something I have no control over; my race and my gender. I hurt. I hurt still. I really was only trying to help. I take responsibility for my actions—I know that I could have done something differently to have shown you more compassion. I forgive myself and I forgive you.
I want you to know, more than anything, that I love you as my own brother. I am deeply concerned that you hurt yourself by abusing alcohol and others. I want you to know that I believe you are capable of living in a way that is brighter and full of love. I want you to know that I will do anything in my power to help you but you have to ask me for what you need. Until I hear from you, I promise to always show you love and compassion when I see you on the road. I have unrelenting hope that you can be a beautiful person and make a worthy contribution to the world.
Love and respect,
Sarah

50 years. 1 crazy idea.

Below is a speech that I wrote for the Peace Corps 50th Anniversary Celebration in St. Vincent. The actual anniversary is March 1st but you will find that we have all integrated quite nicely into the island lifestyle so our exhibition and appreciation ceremony happened this past Friday.

Recently, I asked my grade 6 composition class at the Layou Government School to tell me what they thought about peace. I asked them to describe what it is, what it looks like and how we, the world, can get more of it. I wanted to take this opportunity to share some of their responses.
To the question, what is Peace?

• Peace is the ability to do anything.




• Peace describes a society or relationship that is operating harmoniously and without violent conflict.




• Peace is freedom.
  
  


• Peace is togetherness.
  

To the question, what does peace look like?

• Peace looks like a community coming together to build a house.




• Peace is when people can see a big smile on your face.




• Peace looks like love, happiness and communication.
  

To the question, how do we get more peace?

• Admit when we are wrong




• Train our families to love.




• Show kindness.




• Have love and trust.




• We get peace when someone else shows it.
  

Overall, I believe all of the students would appreciate Beco’s closing statement, “Peace is a nice thing for people. If you do not have anything; people will give you peace.”
Bright students, they are so bright. For me, I find a certain kind of peace knowing that these are the minds that will be leading the future.

In addition to writing about peace, they were given the opportunity to create a picture. I was surprised by the number of swords that appeared and finally I asked a student, “Why the sword?” and she looked back at me like I had just asked her the most ridiculous question, “Miss Smith, ahwee gohalfoo fight for werle peace, ya know.” (rough translation- All of us are going to have to fight for world peace)

And you know what, I think she is right. I think the world is at a place where people who truly believe that peace is possible should join together, rise up and fight against the chaos that plagues our world daily. Of course, the other thing I noticed was that all of the swords had hearts on them. And that leads me to believe that I am surrounded by the most brilliant group of students out there because they know, without a doubt, that the only way to fight chaos is by love. Love will set us free. And when we are all free, there will be peace.

In closing, I would like to reiterate our most sincere and humble gratitude for hosting Peace Corps around the world for the last 50 years and in St. Vincent for the last 44. As we move forward in the next 50 years, I have only one request; that you will continue to join us in this mission of world harmony and friendship. Together, I believe, we can fight injustice with compassion and let peace prevail.

All ahwee ah peace core. (rough translation- All of us are Peace Corps)

For the Brave Ones

This little diddy goes out to the brave ones that I know that never give up hope. This is for the people who look in the face of inequality, injustice, poverty, oppression, violence and hatred with wide eyes and open hearts. This is for the ones who whisper in life's ear, "oh yeah, I'm not going to believe that it has to be this way. I know we can change." This is for the lovers that let compassion triumph over fear.

u n relenting hope.

and there will be moments when it feels like there is a gun

cocked to the side of my head

but I will no longer bend into fear.

I will no longer let despair darken my heart.

when the gun is held to the side of my head,

I will look back at the barrel and say

without a single doubt

THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE ME GIVE UP HOPE

and

you know

the more i think about it, the more i believe

the ones holding the guns

they really just need to be looked in the eye and told

Yes, you, with all of your ugliness, you are capable of doing something beautiful.

You can begin right now by lowering your weapon and giving me love.

I need it

I am scared out of my mind.

record beauty

we all need beautiful

pictures of ourselves. They help us to see that

we are worthy of love and becoming that beautiful

person that acts in our hopeful daydreams.

Recognizing our own beauty will empower us.

We will know we are capable of being anything we can dream ourselves

to. be. people that are happy because they have nothing but love.

ah love fo ah wee is what they would say down here

rough translation: all love for all we

and that

my friends

is how you start

to change the world.

the neighbor who ensures that my life is kept interesting

bright eyes. big world.

strong enough to go against the grain

stunningly beautiful american woman.

dedicated crew

for death begins with life's first breath

and life begins at touch of death

(quote on his shirt by John Oxenham)

The Courage to Be: A Smithers Island Reader's Guide

This past Friday, I had the privilege of working with two other Peace Corps volunteers to lead a resiliency training for our newest gang of trainees, EC 83. During the training, a light bulb went off; I suddenly realized that having resiliency in life is really having the courage to be. To be the imperfect, always curious, decision making, beautiful human being that all of us are. To stand within our own power to make a difference in this wild world of ours. True resiliency requires us to own our reality, forgive ourselves and move gently forward with compassion for self and others.

Leading the training, got me to thinking about this little blog I have going. It has been a crazy experience. I have moved from feeling like I HAD to write something to everyday thinking of something I just have to share because I hope that it will bring a smile to someone's face. Of course, the daily routine and my own fear of really becoming a "story teller," often get in the way and you all end up with a post a week (I am still working on it). As with anything that could potentially go to a large audience, I worry that my intentions in sharing stories could be misconstrued so I developed a reader's guide so that you (the proverbial reader) and I (Miss Sarah Smith) will be on the same (web)page.

1. I do not work in a silo, nor do I want to. Everything that I do here in St. Vincent is done only through the relationships that I have. I would not be able to volunteer for two years away from home if I didn't have my friends and family support me. I would not be able to be an effective teacher if I didn't have the support from other teachers and my principal. It might look like I am a hero but really I am just a person who likes to tell stories. I only feel comfortable telling the stories that I have lived. At this point in my life, my experiences are pretty sweet, I mean I do live on an island where people still smile with reckless abandon but I still have a lot of tough moments, it is my support network that continues to remind me that there is beauty in the struggle.

2. I am powerful. And so are you. Often times, I hear people say something along the lines of "Oh I could never do that!" In my mind, all of us are always capable of doing that which will make us happy. For me, it was joining the Peace Corps. For you, it could be anything. I have faith that it doesn't matter whether I am standing in front of a class or just pulling weeds; I have something to share with the world and I want to share it even if the act of sharing can be a scary experience. No one is better than me and I am better than no one.

3. This is not a here and there issue; this is an everywhere issue. For me, the easiest thing to do with this experience would be to put it in a box and label everything as a "there" issue. "Boy am I happy to live in America where none of that crazy stuff that was happening in St. Vincent is going down, " I would say after I move home and it would be true. I would most likely be one of the blissfully ignorant. I wouldn't be a bad person at all but I would always put a distance between myself and the inhumanity of the world. The longer I am here, the more I realize that although I am not responsible for the hatred and oppression that have led to a world in which children go to bed hungry when there is more than enough to go around, ultimately, as a human, I have a responsibility for bending the world towards the positive. If I refuse to even acknowledge that people are suffering everywhere (namely right next door in that perfect McMansion not just in developing countries) then the separation between people will continue to grow and only cause more unrest. I am responsible for not contributing to making that space between my heart and yours any bigger. Nothing is nothing so do something.

4. I cannot go it alone. Alright, so this is where the reader's guide gets really personal but I can't expect anyone to do anything that I won't do myself. This is me, asking you for what I need. So here it is, I want to become a professional story creator (writing, doodles, pictures). If you like what you see here tell your friends. Pass it on. If something I write doesn't sit right with you, let me know. If you ever feel hopeless after reading a Smithers Island story, tell me, because the only thing that I am interested in sharing is an absolutely relentless hopefulness that we, as a world, can do better. Harmony can be our reality.

5. From now on, this is just me being unabashedly me.

6. I appreciate you taking the time to read this blog more than you could ever know.